Fear

Just thinking about after high school, university especially, freaks me out. I use to be able to think about university and be all excited. Now, I have no fucking idea. I thought I knew what university I would go to (Toronto) but now, I have no idea. I thought I knew what I wanted to go into (Psychology for Children's Therapy and then Writing) but now, I still have no freaking idea (kind of. I mean, I still want to do writing). The only for sure thing that I know is that I want to get away from my city. Now, just looking at universities makes this pain in my stomach arrive. I start breathing more heavily and I get dizzy. Something I call "Futeritis"? I feel like I can't handle this. I fear that come time to apply for university, I'll have no where to apply. Or, if I do apply, I fear that no one will accept me and I'll be stuck going to college -- not necessarily a bad thing but definitely something I don't want.

I know this feeling is normal in teens my age, but I don't like this. I feel like I'm not being in control and I hate not being in control. Fudgeo's.

My mom just sorta scolded me for picking my mosquito bites. Gross, I know but it's the only way I won't self-harm. Pretty screwed up, right?